F/19 & M/20 Ex-LDR

2021.10.15 21:47 miathekeeno F/19 & M/20 Ex-LDR

!! quite a long read !!
me (19) and my ldr ex bf (20) met in a videogame on December 2020. 4 days after we met he says he likes me. I thought that was creepy haha but I always get that when I play and they find out I'm a girl. I wasn't in a relationship that time and I wasn't into anyone. So I gave it a try. He was a pretty talker, and was consistent with me. He said he liked kpop and made black and pink flooring in minecraft LOL. He said he doesn't like lying because he promised his mom and his grandma that he won't be like his dad. He also said that he was a virgin. I did friendzone him after a few weeks, but kept talking because I felt bad. We kept on talking until I found myself interested in him because he was also interested in me. I felt like I had to feel the same because it would hurt him if I rejected it. The last week of December, we kind of started dating. It all started because he got kinda H-word one day and asked me to videocall and I accepted. From there, we kinda got comfortable. He said ily and I said it back. He never asked me out but it was like since we said that then we are bf/gf. The first 3 months were fine and lovely, but he started lying on the 3rd month, or so I thought.
The first lie/ fight we had was because I saw he had 3 people on his recent searches on instagram. He gave me his instagram to "reassure" me and I saw those. I asked, and he said I don't know. He said that the name pops up when you click on a tagged person on a post. I am a daily instagram user so I know this was obviously a lie. I asked him if he could record it and that's when he admitted it was a lie. He said something along the lines of " I'm sorry I lied but I really don't know them". I don't know them either. I felt really shit after that and was thinking of breaking up because of how he lied. He only apologized and admitted when I caught him. Another lie was he said he loves movies and would always ask questions about it, but whenever we have movie nights he doesn't even speak that much, or doesn't even watch the movie properly, which irritates me a bit because he wasn't what he said he was. Fast forward to weeks after, he becomes secretive again. We were doing good, I don't know if something's wrong with me but sometimes I just feel something is off and something really is off. This time I felt like I was controlling but I know something was up. I asked to see his Whatsapp and saw he had texted a girl, Hey, how was term break? I asked who she was and he said its a girl he met on genshin a few months ago. He said that she gave her number and said she wanted to talk more. I got upset because that was a few months ago and they haven't even played recently. I had a feeling that he was the one that asked for her number :( . He justified it by saying "I always check up on my friends when we haven't talked for awhile" but no, I didn't see him "checking up" on his friends. Just her. I had to brush that off because he would ask me, why dont you trust me? Stop bringing up the past that I lied Its already in the past. I told him when we started talking that I do not like people who lie. I'd rather be given the truth even if it hurts or makes me sad than be happy with a lie. He would do the same thing over and over again; apologize for lying and promise not to do it again and do it again. I have tried countless times to break up with him but I would feel so guilty because he would cry and beg me not to leave him. I stayed because I had hope he could change. I feel like shit because I thought I was asking for a lot. Usually I plan things to do, I start conversations, I plan dates. I would complain to him that I feel like I have to ask him to care for me. Whenever we fight, I always express that. He still doesn't get it. I didn't have to be impressed by his high rank on this FPS game, I just want him to maybe do things for me, not because I asked him too. Sure, there were times he would do things for me, but there were more times he didn't. Such as when someone was harrassing me in game, I had to ask him "so are you not gonna defend me? I was just sexually harrassed by 3 men (in game)" and then that's when he defended me. When our mutual friend was attacking me and saying hurtful words ( this happened 3 times), he never defended me. Its like he doesn't have any empathy???? I don't get it because he was the one who seemed more in love in our relationship but when it comes to relationship stuff he sucks at it. He would always say I love you or I'm in love with you. A few times he said I'm falling in love with you and I was happy to hear that. but his "best" was not even the bare minimum. When I'm sad and ask for comfort he would tell me "But I don't know how to comfort you long distance, if you were with me here I would cuddle you." I felt so shit because he doesn't even try to learn how to do that. I would complain that if he could comfort his ex why can't he comfort me.
At some point in our relationship I'm aware I got a bit toxic and controlling because he always seemed sus and its like he is taking me for granted. I did not restrict him to do anything, I just said that I want to know what he's doing so I'm aware of it. I would always feel something was off or he wasn't really honest with me? I had to toughen up because I know he would lie again. He knew I could see through it, and he would always have a reason which was sometimes so suspicious too. I feel so bad for not trusting him, but I really did feel he was lying. I didn't feel safe, nor secure. It sucked because I wanted it to work. or maybe I feel that because he was my first serious boyfriend. Prior to us breaking up (Aug 24) we had 2 fights. The first one was because I saw he had folders of nudes and I got so disgusted. I asked to see his phone again the next day because I was so scared to see more. He cried while streaming it to me, and I was crying so hard too. He said there were no secrets anymore but I felt he was hiding more, it hurt me so much the first time, and I was so terrified about the things he had on there. I asked for a one-day break, but I couldn't help it, I needed to talk to him. He said ily but I didn't say it back. The next day he texts me and says he's going to work that day. I got a bit upset because he just told me that day, and I thought it could be a chance for us to talk about things. He said he needed a break from me because he will be working. I still felt something was wrong. I know it's bad, but I checked his messenger and I saw that he was searching up girls. There were three names at first, I removed them, and then one name kept popping up. I would remove it and it kept popping up again and again. I confronted him about it but he was just like I don't know and I don't care, I'm at work right now. He then said it was just a bug. He insisted he was just a bug, his friend said it was a bug. Reached out to the girl to confirm because something felt so off. She said they haven't talked for years. Ex said he was embarrassed of me for doing that, and said that I was ruining the relationship. He asked for space for 3 days but on the 2nd day he texts me saying he doesn't have feelings for me anymore, there was no one else involved, and that he just wants to be alone and not be in a relationship for awhile. He didn't even cry when we had the call. I was so anxious the next day and I couldn't even get up nor go to class. A few days later I was in discord call with my friends and I suddenly felt the need to check our shared gmail ( we shared on for reddit, not this one though) and saw he made an alternate twitter account, only following his ex's 2 twitter accounts. My heart literally sank. It was like I just got hit by a truck. It was dated 2 days before he broke up with me. Before the messenger incident, he already had the twitter account. He dm'd her, liked her tweets, and replied to a few. I couldn't really believe that was happening. I reached out to the ex and she was kind enough to tell me the truth, that he actually asked her for coffee before we broke up, and told her we broke up when we haven't. She also said that he was a pathological liar, and that he lies about even the smallest things. He did the same thing to her a year ago. They were on a break too, but he was flirting with her friend and and confessed he liked her and that they weren't together anymore, he was just in her house to visit her sick mom. I also found out that he wasn't really that much of an angel. He wasn't a virgin anymore, I thought he was, because he always said he was. She said he would always ask for it and she would just go with the flow. Upon hearing that I just cried, because I felt that almost everything was a lie. A few days later he texts me out of the blue, asking me how I am. He shared that he got a new pc, and that he had installed important softwares. He missed me, he said. And he regrets breaking up with me, he said that maybe he just needed a break and not a break up. Again, I felt so anxious again, and I was stiff. I could feel my chest getting tighter and tighter. He thinks I wouldn't find out. I confronted him about it and he justifies it by "settling things" with her so he can have a better relationship with me. He said he felt guilty of what he did to her. He blamed me that it wouldn't even happen if I never brought it up. It was so hard to process all this. I still kept asking him a few days later why he did that. I was questioning if he even felt something real. I felt so used and disposable. He said his love, care, and worry for me were real. But if it was, why did he keep on lying when I told him that will make trusting him hard? Why won't he exert any effort to be a decent boyfriend? It's like I was the only one in the relationship. I felt that it was my fault, because he said something was wrong with me. I felt it was my fault because I couldn't trust him. I felt it was my fault because I always got upset when he lied or when I wasn't getting the love I deserve. I felt like a bitch when I said that but I know I deserved more than that. Why didn't I leave? because he would guilt-trip me into staying. He would cry and beg. He would promise he'll change and not keep any secrets anymore but he does the same shit over and over and over again. 2 weeks after we broke up I saw that he was on tinder. I asked him why (sorry, I know I shouldnt..) and he said he was trying to "move on" from me and he told me to "shut it." He was doing it again to other girls, and I was so scared about it. He had been hitting on a woman he found on facebook. He asked her out 2 days after they met and even had the audacity to ask her for nudes. Turns out he was lying to her too, about liking anime and again, being a virgin. He didn't lie about what happened to us, but he hid the things that he did and kept saying "she did some stuff too but its ok..." I told her what had happened and she called him out. He then blocked her on her soc meds idk why lol. I also found out he's been twisting the stories to his friends. I hated how he's always changing the story up to get pity points and to act like the victim. I felt the need to tell his mom about it and I did. She wasn't surprised he lied. She was disappointed that he treated me like that. She said that he said he treated me like that because I was being "too controlling" , this cannot, that cannot, but the truth was I never even restricted him from doing anything. I would just tell him to please tell me about it so I'm aware. I think he called her out because I got a message from his friend telling me that I am a psychopath for telling his mom about it, and that I caused him to have "panic attacks" now that his mom knows what he did. Then he blocked me. I really don't get it why they enable him to be like that.
I have been having a hard time moving on because now things seem clearer to me that I was gaslighted and manipulated so much. I read some things and he seems to be a narcissist abuser. Not sure about it, but it ticks a lot of boxes. The past month I've been having random anxiety attacks and that causes me to cry uncontrollably. Its hard for me to sleep because I would get flashbacks. I couldn't really process that that happened to me. It was also hurtful that he lied about being a virgin for 8 months and he made me feel special during those. The intimacy I thought we had was just full of lust for him. When he broke up with me, he knew he was lying. "Its not like there's anyone else", there was. I hate feeling like I was just his ego-booster or he was with me for the "status". After breaking up, he said he was gonna work on himself but he was just out there looking for another girl to manipulate so he can get into her pants. It's very disgusting to me that I dated him. I hate that I fell for his pretty talks. I knew I wasn't happy, I saw the red flags, but I couldn't get out of it because I'd feel guilty and I worried more about what would happen to him, when I should be worrying about myself. I stayed because I thought he could change, but he was still the same, he still lied. I've been doing pretty good the past few days, but sometimes I just cry about it again. I feel the pain again. I hurt again. How do I get over this? the thought of being cheated on? I don't want to be stuck in it anymore, I want to be myself again.
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2021.10.15 21:47 smartybrome First Steps Into Public Speaking

First Steps Into Public Speaking submitted by smartybrome to udemyfreebies [link] [comments]


2021.10.15 21:47 UnfriendlyKid [PC] [H] lime , grey , purple octanes multiple [W] 730 , 480 , 480

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2021.10.15 21:47 lizardgirl38 Is it bad to eat a bunch of fruit everyday?

I eat a bunch of fruit everyday. I might eat a banana or two, strawberries, and grapes as an example for a day.
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2021.10.15 21:47 Tyfighter666 AMC empty

So I recently tried to post some info about AMC on WSBs showing how the local AMC theater where I live had about 5 people total for the Bond opening premier. Apparently you all can’t handle any criticism or truth so it was just taken down for no reason. I find it so interesting that people who complain about the financial system being rigged and being the underdogs will then take down posts that show anything that goes against the narrative of which stocks they like. I have avoided all possible words that would get the post removed by auto mods. So if it’s removed again then it’s just more roof of how WSBs is basically full of the exact same people who you all seem to be against. Either accept truth or silence it, the theater was nearly empty. That’s a fact. And it doesn’t care about your options calls or investments.
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2021.10.15 21:47 anavocadotornado 🎶It's My [CONTEST] And I'll Cry If I Want To!🎶

So, on a scale from 1-10 how excited am I for my birthday? About a -11. Not looking forward to it. My husband is away; he's my best friend and we do everything together and I'm sad. No special Monte Cristo sandwiches, no weekend getaway, no nice dinner together... BUT I have been planning to do a contest here for my birthday and that's what I'm most excited about so here we are! Here's my party! I want to spoil a party guest (or maybe two?).
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8) If you've made it this far, awesome! Thank you for reading! Contest will close sometime on my birthday, October 20th, where you will find me snuggling with my plushies and eating a whole bag of reeses white creme ghosts (and crying if I want to 😜)
Summon a friend to bring with you to the party if you like! Suggested but not required for a valid entry 💖
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2021.10.15 21:47 Oakley_Doakley My partner disconnected before we even started… good job boreas is an absolute animal!

My partner disconnected before we even started… good job boreas is an absolute animal! submitted by Oakley_Doakley to RushRoyale [link] [comments]


2021.10.15 21:47 DEATHOFCLOUTCHASER Muwop Co Defendant Los Munna Denied Bond One of 2 Cars Involved in K!lling of FBG Duck "3 Victims"

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2021.10.15 21:47 Mr_Dogface12 This guy parked outside of my neighbours house.

This guy parked outside of my neighbours house. submitted by Mr_Dogface12 to badparking [link] [comments]


2021.10.15 21:47 BLENDER-74 Tiktok is evil

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2021.10.15 21:47 sneaards The good north

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2021.10.15 21:47 Full-Resolution-6897 Good afternoon dakblake hope you have a good video and no problem with it please say Calebs here!

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2021.10.15 21:47 Charlie0105 Yellow Jackets vs Venus Flytraps

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2021.10.15 21:47 Ashamed-Song9459 The Turtle story is suspicious 🧐

I suspect Callahan is such a deviant he may have tried what Richard Gere did with the gerbil. 🤢
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2021.10.15 21:47 GU355WH01AM 3 shots down!!! No breakthrough cases over here!

3 shots down!!! No breakthrough cases over here! submitted by GU355WH01AM to MadeMeSmile [link] [comments]


2021.10.15 21:47 _EagleEyedTiger Andy, Pam, and Daryl

I can't remember the episode, season, or really what was happening, but there's a scene where Andy is like "oh, you know Daryl?" to Pam when they're asking about borrowing Daryl's truck. Obviously, Pam knows him and so does everyone else in the office, so why did Andy act like she wouldn't know him? I randomly remembered this about 15 minutes ago and it makes less sense the more I think about it. Was Andy telling a joke? Did he hit his head and forget about everyone else in the office? Did Andy really believe he was the first guy in the office to meet Daryl? This rabbit hole goes so deep, someone please give me some peace of mind and explain this to me.
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2021.10.15 21:47 RelaxNatureSounds Highest Paid UK Survey Sites – Best UK Online Paid Surveys (THAT ACTUALLY PAY)

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2021.10.15 21:47 curryklaydraystan Poole is about to end these “analysts” careers this season

Poole is about to end these “analysts” careers this season submitted by curryklaydraystan to warriors [link] [comments]


2021.10.15 21:47 thecodyrub DAE Tony Schiavone shold open up Rampage by saying "Fans, we understand that over on the other channel, Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch are battling it out live, in a huge Smackdown main event. I'm sure THAT put butts in the seats."

"Anyway, here's CM Phil vs Evan Bourne."
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2021.10.15 21:47 Chaotic_Thoughts905 Any person being pressured by a pro-life "activist", should immediately sign all parental rights to them.

I highly doubt any pro-life idiot would continue to pressure them knowing that they would have to raise the child for 18 years.
Like either take responsibility of the life you want to save so desperately, or shut up and stop sticking your nose in other people's life.
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2021.10.15 21:47 iannisxenokiss Tests de ITS en la CDMX

Hola querida gente,
¿Alguien que sea de la CDMX me puede pasar el dato de algún centro o institución buena, bonita y barata donde hacerme la batería de tests para infecciones de transmisión sexual (VIH, sífilis, gonorrea, etc.)?
No soy población de riego ni adolescente Digo esto, porque hay a veces centro dedicados a este segmento.
¡Muchas gracias!
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2021.10.15 21:47 DEATHOFCLOUTCHASER Muwop Co Defendant Los Munna Denied Bond One of 2 Cars Involved in K!lling of FBG Duck "3 Victims"

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2021.10.15 21:47 Detective_Aero Places for Private sales?

Looking for where to look, local gun stores seem to be run by shitturds I would rather not support with my money, online prices are ever worse as they have been and I’d rather have a well used smith or Ruger than a new Taurus. The mewe has little activity and gunnection doesn’t seem to have much traffic for maine in general, not paying for armslist after the mobile game level monetasion scheme they pulled
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